SELF-CARE FOR A BETTER YOU (PART 3/3)

When I used to hear the words ‘self-care’ I imagined getting a massage, resting and taking a long bath. Even though these things can certainly be a part of a self-care practice, we should also include every-day activities (not only things that we do once in a while).

Self-care is not only about pampering yourself. Self-care builds our self-esteem, it reminds us of our worthiness and it’s the ultimate feminist act. For a long time we’ve believed that being a woman is about sacrifice: getting our period, child birth, waxing, strict dieting, trying to look perfect, staying quiet instead of voicing our opinion, putting others first (a child, a partner, a family member), sacrificing our career for our family or our family for our career.

But sacrifice comes at a cost. We end up resentful and loose ourselves in the process. Self-care is a reminder that we are important, that we matter and that we deserve to be heard. In the previous blog post (The 3 Self-Care Obstacles) I talked about the mindset that keeps us from taking care of ourselves.

Today, I want to talk about the antidotes to those obstacles. I’ve added these 3 every-day activities to my self-care practice and they’ve helped me to decrease stress and focus on what really matters in life.

Gratitude

Gratitude is the best antidote to the “I Don’t Deserve it Obstacle”. This obstacle stops you from taking initiative in projects or ideas you have. It keeps you from making your dreams come true. It tells you that it’s a waste of time, why try? What if I fail?

I’ve resisted having a gratitude practice; I just didn’t see the point or the benefit. However, many Positive Psychology studies show that gratitude is highly correlated with living a happy life. So every day before I go to bed I write down 3 things that went well during my day and why. So simple, yet it’s really made me be thankful because even on bad days, I still have 3 good things to report.

Time for Myself

Taking some time out of your day for yourself is crucial, it’s the antidote for the “I’m Too Busy” obstacle. When we put other people, activities and things before us, what we’re communicating to ourself is “I’m not important”.

After I injured my lower back my massage therapist recommended that I stop doing some housework because it put an extra strain on my back. But many times I felt that I needed to do the dishes, so I would do them, and then I ended up with pack pain again. This happened until one day I realized that what I was telling myself was “the dishes are more important than me”. My actions were contradicting what I really wanted: to take care of myself and heal.

So before you get sucked in this “I’m too busy to make time for myself” remember that you’re important and that you matter. This time for yourself can be anything that you enjoy doing: reading, painting, writing, calling a friend, hiking, etc. Every day take some time for yourself.

Healthy Boundaries

As you may have guessed healthy boundaries is the antidote for the “Lack of Boundaries” obstacle. To have enriching relationships it’s important that we have clear boundaries. However, boundaries are kinds tricky, many times you don’t realize that you have a boundary until someone has crossed it. So having healthy boundaries is a lot about speaking up in an honest way.

I’m a chronic avoider of hard conversations, so this has been a challenge for me. A few months ago my husband invited me to go se the movie It with him. I don’t like scary movies but he insisted so much that I was about to say yes. Then, I remembered that this is a boundary for me. So I spoke up and said “I know you really want to see the movie, but those type of movies give me nightmares, and even though I feel bad for saying no, I just can’t do that to myself”. Of course, he totally understood.

The key about establishing healthy boundaries is to talk about how you feel and avoid language of blame. Next time someone crossed a boundary, tell them in a loving way.

I hope you’ve liked this 3 part series about self care: why you need it, what are the obstacles and what you can start doing today to love yourself more. If you would like to dive deeper, I invite you to join me in the Live Stress-Free Challenge starting January 14, 2018. For 14 days I’ll be guiding you with simple activities to be able to decrease stress, feel lighter and have more energy. It’s online (every day you’ll get an email with the activity for the day), it’s free and you can win a prize! Tell a friend and do the challenge together. To sign up go here https://www.claudiabehealthy.com/livestressfreechallenge