THE 3 SELF-CARE OBSTACLES (PART 2/3)
In the first self-care blog post I defined self-care as an expression of self-love, why we don’t deserve self-care and how self-care should be applied in our lives. As always, there are obstacles that show up in different ways. All of these obstacles are beliefs, and some of them are so deeply rooted that changing them can be extremely healing and life transforming.
These are not just self-care obstacles, these obstacles stop us from living the life we want to live and having the relationships we want to have. These obstacles hold us back from taking a leap of faith and fulfilling our dreams and they keep us small and quiet. The ultimate solution for all of these obstacles are questioning the premise of that obstacle and being brave enough to challenge it and take an action that contradicts that belief (even if it feels counter-intuitive).
The ‘I don’t deserve it’ Obstacle
This obstacle will justify almost anything.
“You can’t sit down and paint, look how messy your closet is.”
“You can’t have a cup of tea while looking at the trees, you haven’t finished that project.”
“You can’t start that business, who do you think you are?”
Who the heck do you think you are-- is what this obstacle tells us. This obstacle stops you from taking initiative in projects or ideas you have. It tells you that it’s a waste of time, why try? What if I fail? This obstacle was my companion when I wanted to start this blog; I would think “there are hundreds of wellness blogs, who’s going to want to read mine? Maybe it’s just a waste of time, I should focus on something more productive.” But the excitement of having this blog was more powerful than my fear.
This obstacle also tells you: if I just give-in to everything I feel like doing, I’ll never get anything done. False! Self-care makes us feel rejuvenated and motivated us to be the best we can be. Having that cup of tea while you watch the sunset will make you way more productive in the activities that follow.
The ‘I’m too busy’ Obstacle
This obstacle will make you think of 100 things more important to do than the activity that makes you feel rested, healthy or joyful.
“You can’t sit down and read, look how dirty the kitchen is.”
“I wish I could eat healthy and exercise, but I have no time.”
The ‘I’m too busy’ obstacle is usually because we don’t have clear priorities or we don’t have healthy boundaries with people around us. A few years ago I fell and injured my lower back. My physical therapist suggested that I take it easy around house-work (doing dishes, mopping, etc), which was great news for me. However, many times I forced myself to do the dished and ended up with back pain all over again. This happened for a long time until I decided that my wellbeing was more important than doing the dishes. I started prioritizing stretching and yoga over doing dishes and reached out to my husband for help so my back wouldn't hurt.
The Lack-of-Boundaries Obstacle
You feel it’s your responsibility to keep the peace and make people happy. Then, you feel resentful of others for having to do things you don’t want to do. Funny how we contradict ourselves.
“My friend asked me for a favor, so I should do it, even if it’s going to make my day harder.”
“A family member asked if she could borrow money. I don’t have much to spare, but I feel bad saying no.”
This obstacle tells you “you have to do it.” The lack-of-boundaries obstacle can be fixed with healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries can be summarized by: saying ‘no’ when I want to say no, only saying ‘yes’ when I want to say yes, and speaking up when somebody has crossed a boundary.
For me this is probably my #1 self-care obstacle. I didn’t know why I was so busy and exhausted all the time. I started analyzing my days and my days were filled with favors for other people. Then one day I said: enough! Feeling okay with disappointing people is the hardest part, but it’s totally worth it.
In the next blog post I’ll go over my favorite self-care practices that are antidotes to these obstacles, so stay tuned!
Over to you: which one of obstacle do you feel holds you back from living the life you want? What actions have you taken to overcome the obstacle? What actions have you taken to make sure you're taking care of yourself?
